Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Things I Would Do for Oklahoma Joe's

I would...

--Crawl naked over broken glass.
--Marry a Kardashian for ten minutes.
--Consider voting Republican.
--Smooch Betty White right on the mouth.  (Hell, I probably would anyway.)
--Wear high heels in a Harley store.
--Refer to George W. Bush as "NOT the worst President ever".
--Abstain from chocolate for a whole day.
--Go to Atlanta voluntarily.
--Watch the Seinfeld series finale again.
--Forgive George Lucas for existing for the past two decades.
--Watch the NBA without making snide comments every five seconds.
--Perform karaoke without the typical requirement of a loaded gun to my head.
--Capitalize texas.
--Cheer for the New England Patriots for a preseason game.
--Go to New Orleans and not have a beignet.
--Ask a waiter explicitly if I could tip like Rachael Ray.
--Go to any show in Branson, MO.
--Refer to the Red Wings as "the Red Wings".
--Clean the bathrooms at Applebee's after a children's birthday party.
--Watch one episode of Whitney.
--Use a microscope to find evidence of Steve Doocy's brain.
--Enter a Wal-Mart.
--Listen to Gwyneth Paltrow without injections of morphine.